Trust is the key to every healthy relationship, and talking openly about your past relationships with your current partner should not be a problem. However, mentioning our exes may make us feel guilty, or make our partner jealous for some reason, but you won't have to worry about it if you do it in the right way. Talking about your ex in a new relationship is especially tricky because it's important for you to get to know each other better, but you must not make your new partner feel insecure or worse than your ex. Here you will find useful pieces of advice on how to ask someone about past relationships, some questions you could ask them, and when to talk about exes.
1. Show a willingness to discuss your past relationships
Don't behave as you have never been with anyone in the past. Your present self is actually made of all of your previous life choices, so talking about your past should not upset you. You can sometimes mention your past relationships and wait for your partner to engage in the topic and ask about it. Even if he doesn't, you will show him that you see no problem in talking about your past relationships, because you can learn a lot about each other from it. If done right, talking about your ex in a new relationship can make your current relationship even stronger, and bring you two closer.
2. Be sensitive to your partner's attitude
This is really important especially when it comes to how to ask a guy about past relationships. Guys are usually more sensitive, so keep that in mind when you talk about your own ex-partners. You might hurt his ego or make him jealous, and you really don't want to do that. Also, if there is an ex who has hurt him before, he might not want to talk about it so openly. Men prefer to hide their soft spots and don't want to admit that their feelings were hurt once. Therefore, start with simple questions. I will give you the perfect examples of these a bit later, so keep on reading. If he really doesn't want to talk about it, give him time. When you earn his trust completely, he will be able to confide in you freely.
3. Focus on your new relationship
The past is behind you, so leave it be. Your focus should be on your new partner, and you should show him that. Explain to him that talking about the past is actually something that will help you understand each other better.
4. Never overstate your ex's strengths
It's never a good idea to highlight your exes' good traits. It might make your current partner upset, or even angry. Also, there is no need for that. I honestly don't feel so happy when my partner mentions something good about his ex. If he asks you something in particular, then don't lie, and tell the truth. If they ask, they should get an answer. But don't talk about how great it was with your ex or how good they are at something. It will be much harder to earn your current partner's trust.
5. Never introduce your ex's recent situation in detail
Staying in touch with your ex is okay. You don't have to cut contact with them completely just because you have someone new in your life. But if something has happened to them, you shouldn't talk about it with your current partner. They probably don't know your ex and it's not of their concern. They probably won't even be interested in listening to such a story. Keep it to yourself. Also, talking about your ex's life has nothing to do with you and your partner.
6. Never mention you and your ex's memory when you and your partner are doing something similar
Doing something similar with your partner will probably remind you of the past, but don't ever say it out loud. Again, it has nothing to do with the present. Maybe mentioning some unpleasant memories would be more appropriate, but still, it's better not to talk about it at all. Talking about unpleasant experiences can make your partner feel better, but if you badmouth your ex too much or too often, it won't be good. He might think that you may still care about them, or that you are prone to talking about your ex-partners in a similar manner. The most important thing is to communicate about your past experiences so you can learn from them.
What to Ask Your Partner About Their Exes?
You should try to find out as much as you can about your partner, and these 15 questions will be of great help. The answers will tell you a lot about his character, behavior, habits, and possible emotional baggage that he carries. Some questions are a bit touchy, but the answers will be valuable. Also, you will find out how self-aware your partner is.
"Why did you two broke up?"
"What did you hate about them?"
"How long were you together?"
"Do you regret anything?"
"Are you still in contact with your ex?"
"What did you learn from your past relationships?"
"Is there something you miss from your past relationships?"
"Has someone hurt you in the past?"
"Do they text you a lot and what do you think about that?"
"When did you break up?"
"What do you think about your ex?"
"Who was the one who broke up?"
"Can you tell me more about how you two got together?"
"Did you try to restore your relationship?"
"If you could turn back the time and change the past, would you be with them again?"
Avoid talking about your exes to your new loved one too much because it might seem that you think about them on a regular basis. Shower your new partner with love and affection, and show them that they don't need to worry. They are among the most important people in your life now. Make them feel like that. Then, you will be able to discuss your past relationships freely.