Perhaps you are the type that says, "my husband picks on everything I do." And maybe you don't know why. But have you ever thought about why he does so or puts himself first before you? Maybe it is a habit, an inherent trait, or a situation that led to that state. A man may be selfish because:
- Work stress: Work may cause a rift between you two because his expectation at work does not meet his demand.
- Male chauvinism: He feels he is the head of the family and feels insecure when you become more successful than him.
- Childhood: A child who grew up alone in the family may not know the value of sharing, making him a self-centered man in the future.
- Birth of a child: Your husband may feel left out when the love gets centered on the newborn.
What Are the Signs of a Selfish Husband
As you have known some of the reasons why a man may be selfish, check out some of the ways to show that your husband is selfish.
1. He never says "sorry" or "thank you"
Saying sorry or thank you is not found in his dictionary. A selfish husband does not have the guts to come and apologize even if he is the one in the wrong. He will also never comfort you after an argument or fight since he is not bothered with what you are feeling. Additionally, a selfish husband will not see the little or big efforts you are working on to make him happy. He will not appreciate what you are trying to do because he feels entitled to them.
2. He doesn't compliment you
People usually love being showered with compliments especially if it is from their man. An unselfish husband will make a simple comment to his wife like, 'You look beautiful today' - showing admiration and appreciation. But a selfish husband cannot be bothered to appreciate his wife.
3. He prioritizes 'me' over 'you'
A selfish husband will always be 'him'—he will not care about your inspirations, dreams, or do anything to please you. He only does what he is interested in and never cares about what you feel.
4. He always criticizes you
One of the selfish husband signs is that he always criticizes you. He will not see the good in you and make you feel that everything you do for yourself or him is not good enough. He will complain that you have gained weight, your choice of dressing is inappropriate for a married woman, dislike your taste, or give voice to negative remarks on anything you do. Your husband will act as if he is the only perfect partner in your marriage forgetting that there is a big difference between criticizing and correcting.
5. He doesn't take your advice
When two people get married, they become one, and they are bound to make the decisions together. But a selfish husband will not involve the wife in major decisions like finances but decide on these without support or sharing with the wife. When your husband is not sharing ideas or involving you in decision-making, then he portrays one of the selfish husband signs. A husband should respect the opinions of the wife and value them.
6. He talks over you
A selfish husband is concerned with defending his position rather than listening to his partner's opinion in case of an argument. This happens when you want your views to be heard, but your husband is not ready to listen. He sticks to his position on the issues you are discussing. At these times, you will feel taken for granted, which is part of his selfishness.
7. You feel controlled by his rules
Self-centered people will want others to meet their expectations by setting some rules; and when they fail to meet the said expectations, rebukes and belittlement will follow. For example, a selfish husband will want to know where you are, with whom, and what you will be doing. He may set rules on what time you should be at home or what time he should take his dinner. Meanwhile, he will not want to be asked the same questions.
8. He never helps in the house chores
A selfish husband feels that house chores are for the women. He will not offer a helping hand and expects you to do all the chores while he lazes around.
How to Deal with a Selfish Husband
Marriage has its ups and downs and sometimes you might find yourself dealing with a selfish husband. Whether they are doing it accidentally or purposely, you need to find ways to deal with needy husband signs.
Understand why it is happening
Try finding out what happened that led to his selfish behavior or what motivates it. Find ways of how you both can work it out together.
When your husband wrongs you, you don't have to accept it. Thinking about it too much will cause emotional pain and distress. Find the best moment to speak openly and honestly to your husband. Tell him how you feel about his selfish behavior in a non-confrontational way. Ensure you use a convincing and calm tone.
Be soft and gentle
There is no point in nagging or calling your husband names such as "selfish" or "inconsiderate"; it will just make the situation worse. Talk to him politely and calmly, and be patient as he changes his behavior. Avoid using harsh or cursing words as he would not take them lightly. Don't rush him but be honest about his progress. Please continue to be compassionate and gentle, and show him support.
Divide and work
There is no need to take on all the responsibility for household chores by yourself, and complaining about it later. It's better to communicate with your husband over who is responsible for specific bills, house chores, children, or other financial needs. This will help everyone take responsibility for a share of the work.
Frame everything, so it is about his benefit
A selfish person will always make everything about them. Always make things reflect on him if you want to get something from him. Make him feel right once he has done it. If you are planning to go for a movie night; say something like, "I will be going to the movies tonight with my friends; they would love it if you come with me…they like you.''
Approach marriage counseling carefully
Be careful when you are suggesting marriage counseling to your partner. Consider the choice of words you are going to use since needy husbands will be against the idea. Use words that appear to indicate that it is a shared problem. For instance, say, "I would like us to see a therapist, to see how we can improve our marriage." This way you are encouraging him to attend the sessions.
The Final Word
Some degree of selfishness is acceptable but when it becomes too much something has to be done. When selfish husband signs start to pop out, you are best to solve the situation through communication. Communication means knowing the value of each other, which helps in understanding each other.