How to Make Him Work for You

Often, it seems we don't know that we should cherish something when it's easy to get. This can certainly apply to a relationship.

Perhaps your guy is starting to take you for granted. It is probably not because he doesn't care anymore. It is more likely that he has just gotten used to the idea you will always be there to meet his needs, regardless of whether he recognizes it.

Guys can start to expect things after a certain amount of time. While that familiarity means you're on good ground as far as your relationship goes, it can still be annoying and frustrating when you don't feel appreciated. So, let's look at some tips on how to make him work for you.

1. Promote yourself and set the bar high

Be your own best advocate. When you're fishing, you attract what you want to catch by selecting the best bait. Likewise, you want to attract the right guy by showing you are of a caliber worth being with. So, don't be shy.

Instead, show off what you have to offer, and set the bar high for what guy is good enough for you. Remember that you are your only salesperson. No one else will do this for you.

2. Keep yourself a little mysterious (the "70/30 Rule")

Sharing builds intimacy, and that's great. But don't let a guy think they have you all figured out. The next thing you know, they'll be deciding what they can get away with.

Instead, keep some mystery in the relationship, letting him guessing at times. This is how to make him work for you instead of the other way around. The rule is to make 70% known to him for just the right blend.

3. Don't give him too many rewards if you're not in a relationship

It may be tempting when you meet a new guy, but don't spoil him. Remember, the operative word here is spoil. Make him work to keep you happy as well. You're setting the long-term pattern of your relationship. Bear that in mind. Do you want to always wait on him hand and foot?

4. Dressing up

This one may seem false, but the truth is that red works. It is scientifically proven that red causes arousal in men. Why this works may be up for conjecture, but the fact that it works is not.

So, get that little red dress on and teach him to pay some proper attention to you. You may be amazed at the results.

5. Don't smother him

If you've started dating, he knows you like him. So, don't come off as desperate and be too easy. Stay at least a little aloof, and avoid acting like he is the perfect man right from the start. He needs to feel lucky to be with you.

If you seem too eager, he may think you are easy to get, and his winning you is nothing special. This is a disastrous recipe, as it can cause many men to lose interest.

6. Give him a sense of urgency by making it clear he is not your only choice

Once a guy gets you, he may sit back on his heels and feel he has you for life and that you won't slip away. Your task is to convince him that is not the case.

Subtly make him aware that he is not your only option if you get bored or dissatisfied. Subtlety is key, because you don't want him to think you want to leave, or he may leave first. Just keep it in his mind that he needs to do some work to maintain your attention.

7. Know how to spend fun time with him

Guys can sometimes stray because they want to have fun and don't understand they can have it with you just as easily as with their guy friends. You can take charge and strip him of this false notion.

Take the initiative and invite him out to a sports bar or a night of video games. Focus on something he loves that you think you'll enjoy it, too and spend some time with him. It will go far when it is your turn to do something you want to do.

8. Show that you have a life without him as well

Don't let your guy think your life revolves around him. Instead, show him your life extends beyond him and your time together. Tell him about things you do when you are not together, and take some time to spend with people apart from him.

If he sees you have a life without him, he will feel the need to work harder to be included in more of it.

9. Learn to flirt a little

It's also up to you to help keep the spark lit in the relationship. Knowing the art of flirting is immensely helpful here. You can keep the excitement of the chase alive with the proper application of a little flirting.

Don't go overboard, as it might seem silly or over the top. Little things like a whisper in his ear or casual touching will go a long way, though.

10. Don't be overly dramatic

Whether it is fair or not, men commonly fear a woman adding drama to their lives. They like to keep things simple and as laid back as possible.

So, if you do feel emotions rising early on, take a break and go out with your girlfriends to get things off your chest. Guys get over this as you build more intimacy, but be very wary at the beginning as you can cause them to run if the drama gets too intense or frequent.

11. Remember it is giving and taking

Always keep in mind that a relationship is giving and taking. If you only focus on what you want, he will eventually leave. Take time to remind him of the perks of being with you so he can understand what he gets for being so properly attentive to your needs.

It doesn't take much. All you need to do is prioritize him on occasion, especially if he looks to have had a hard day and needs a bit of comforting and attention.

12. Judge him by his actions rather than his sweet words

It's far easier to say the right thing than to do it. So, don't be distracted by sweetly made promises. If he doesn't follow through, he may be playing you intentionally. Remember that you are worth more than that. Don't settle for a minimal-effort guy.

Don't Settle, Ladies

If you're learning how to make him work for your love, consider the tips provided above. Remember: this is an investment in your own happiness and future, as he is learning what is and is not acceptable to you. So, set your bar high, and let him know you expect some romance and effort moving forward.

Mark Davis
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I'm a professional writer and systems analyst. My interests are sociology and philosophy. I love exploring human interaction, our need for companionship and how to hone the tools necessary to create lasting, meaningful bonds with one another.