Let's say you've agreed to go out on a date but, unfortunately, something has changed and you have to cancel. It might be that you've realized you don't genuinely want to date the person who asked you or maybe you have an important responsibility that you must attend to.
Either way, you're left wondering what the best way to get out of it might be. Is there an appropriate time to notify your date beforehand, or should you just ghost on them and simply not show up?
Well, it all depends on your particular situation and your future intentions. Below are some ideas regarding the best ways to deal with canceling a date.
How to Cancel a Date
We can all aspire to be dependable people, but a time will come when you'll have to let someone down. We all know it can be difficult to do because most people feel guilty about disappointing others. Knowing how to cancel on a date is a necessary skill to learn.
The tips below will provide you with advice on the kindest ways to break an arrangement you've made with someone who likes you.
If your presence is urgently required, simply tell them directly
If you are urgently needed during the time that you were supposed to go on your date, then you have an innocent enough reason for canceling. Simply explain this to your date, and if he is a reasonable guy (which he should be), he will totally understand.
In fact, he should respect you for your sense of responsibility and ability to make personal sacrifices in order to ensure that you are doing the right things. You can send a text that says something like:
"I'm so disappointed I have to cancel our date tonight, but my colleague had an accident, and I feel a responsibility to cover her shift. I hope you can understand."
If you want to be asked out again
You know that it was difficult for him to find the courage to ask you on this date, and you are so happy that he finally did. However, now you need to find out how to cancel on a date in a way that he'll ask you again.
Instead of outright canceling, you can let him know that something important has come up but you'd like to ask for a rain check. A rain check means that you make a promise to arrange the date for another time - it's almost like an "I owe you". This will reassure him that you really do want to go out with him, and you're not making up an excuse to get out of the date. For example, you can say:
"Hi. I can't believe I have to cancel our date. I'm so sorry. The circumstances are beyond my control. Can I please get a rain check until next weekend maybe?"
If you're not ready for the date
It's possible that you might be interested in the guy that asked you on the date, but you're not sure if you're ready to date. One example is if you've just come out of a tumultuous relationship, and you need some time alone. But this really sweet guy has asked you on a date.
Knowing the right response to give him could be confusing. In these kinds of complicated situations, it's best to be as honest as you're comfortable being. You don't need to say that you're still broken-hearted or that you think you are still in love with your ex, but you can say:
"I would love to go out with you sometime soon. I just need some time to do some work on myself so you will better be able to enjoy my company."
If you're not interested in your date
It's common for girls to be asked out on dates by guys they will never be interested in. Your good manners might prevent you from telling them this, so you found yourself agreeing to go out with him.
After having time to think about it, you've realized that it would be wrong to go out with him, as you already know that he's not your type and you'll never be attracted to him. In this kind of circumstance, it's necessary to know how to politely cancel a date. You can apologize and send this kind of message:
"I'm sorry for not having the words to say how I felt at the time, but I think it's only fair that I let you know now that I don't think we would have much in common. I wouldn't want to lead you on or give you false hope by going on this date with you."
If you want a friend rather than a partner
The moment that your cool and funny friend, who has been a breath of fresh air to you and who you enjoy hanging out with has now asked you to go out with him on a real date. He has confessed his feelings for you, and you feel disappointed and upset because you now have to reject him and hurt his feelings.
It's a crappy situation to end up in, but it's very common in girl/guy friendships. You have to gently escort him back into the friend zone that he's trying to escape from. You can send him this kind of text:
"I do enjoy your company, and I know we get along so well, but I don't feel we'll work well as a couple the way we do as friends. You're a great guy, and I would hate to lose you as a friend, so how about we cancel our date and arrange our usual hangout tomorrow?"
You like him a lot, but you feel hormonal and crappy
Let's say you do really like the guy, and up until yesterday, you were actually excited about the date. However, it's your time of the month, and last night your period came. Today you're feeling bloated and crappy. You're having terrible cramps and, to top it all off, you have a bright red pimple right on the tip of your nose.
Although you don't want to, you have to figure out how to cancel a date with a guy you're crazy about. This one's tricky, because you are risking him being hurt or never wanting to make another date with you in case you cancel again. Without giving him too much information, you can still be honest and text him something like:
"Ben. I've had a terrible night, and I'm still feeling pretty awful today. If you're not busy tomorrow, could we have our date then? I hope I haven't disappointed you."
You feel uneasy about your date
Let's face it. Some men can be intense and come off a little creepy. Not everyone is safe to go out with. The men that put date rape pills in girls' drinks or force themselves on women do not look like monsters in the light of the day. Regular looking guys can actually be predators when they get a woman alone. So if a guy has asked you on a date, but as the time draws nearer you are feeling uneasy about it, listen to your instincts.
You should feel safe to cancel the date until such a time that you'll feel comfortable going out with him. In fact, your canceling the date might even give you some insight into who this guy really is.
If you text him to cancel and he becomes angry, paranoid, or pushy, these are signs that he might have an abusive personality. You can be certain, then, that you've made the right decision. To see how he will react, you can say:
"I'm sorry, but I think I want to cancel that date I've made with you. I've only just met you, and I don't feel 100% comfortable about it. Would it be possible for us to hang out together with some friends first?"
You're struggling with some personal issues
Life can be seriously complicated with all kinds of problems. When it's not complicated with problems, it can just be stressful with life's challenges. Whether you have a sick parent or you're facing financial problems, it's possible that dating is the last thing you want to deal with.
At first, you agreed to the date, thinking that it would be good for you or it's something you are "supposed to do", but the reality is that you just can't cope with the small talk or being expected to open up to another person. The best thing to do is to consider how to politely cancel a date that you cannot face. If this is your situation, you can send him this message:
"I probably shouldn't have agreed to the date in the first place. I am in no state to be a good company to anyone. Please forgive me while I focus on getting my life together. When I'm in a better place, how about I give you a call?"
As difficult as it can seem to let someone down, it's even harder when you know that the person has feelings for you. Asking you out on a date in the first place probably wasn't easy for them, and knowing this can make it even harder.
Nonetheless, it's important that we give people the courtesy of letting them know in good time that you will not be able to make the arrangement you have with them. Therefore, learn how to cancel a date in a considerate manner with the examples and suggestions above.
Remember that the most important thing is to be as honest as you can when you're sending the message, and read it again before hitting send.