Imagine this: you're in a relationship with an amazing person, and you start planning for the future. You make plans on how you'd like the wedding to be, and even how to name your kids. But one day, your dreams are shattered because your partner doesn't feel the same way about you anymore – so, you break up. Heartbroken, you begin your journey towards recovery. But what if the healing process is more difficult than you imagined? What if after all this time, you still can't move on from your ex? Here are some pieces of advice on how to get over a breakup.
Allow Yourself Time to Mourn
Coping with a breakup can be extremely painful. It may feel as if you've been thrown into a pit of despair, one that you will never get out of. This is not unusual, so you shouldn't feel as if you're a rare phenomenon. Most people feel the same way when going through a breakup because they had high expectations and wanted to spend their lives with their partners.
Since you're dealing with so many overwhelming emotions after a breakup, the first thing you should consider is allowing yourself some time to grieve. Many overlook this part, but that could be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. Let it all out – it's okay to cry. If you want to stay in bed all day and eat ice cream while watching cliché romantic movies, then so be it. What's important is that you deal with all the sadness and anger right now, and that you live through it.
If you don't feel these emotions at their rightful time, they will come back to haunt you later and could be even more intense.
Become More Social
Some people want to spend this time by themselves, while others wish they had a shoulder to cry on. If you have a nice circle of friends who mean the world to you, then don't refuse their invitation to go out.
Sure, you probably feel so defeated that the only contact you want is with your bed, but try to force yourself out of that state and socialize with your loved ones. You will see that being more social will have positive effects on your recovery process.
If you want to get over a breakup, talk about the situation with your friends. Talking about it could be a great way to get things off your chest and heal faster. Also, once the tears stop flowing and your friends reassure you that you're amazing and deserve better, you can start partying or just doing other nice group activities. You will see that this will make you forget about your negative thoughts for a while, and show you that there's more to life than a relationship.
Get Some New Hobbies
Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, you definitely have some hobbies that bring you joy. Maybe you even had hobbies that your ex wasn't into, so you started almost giving up on them. As much as you loved your ex, you probably didn't like that, so why not pick it back up and enjoy the taste of freedom?
Another great thing to do is getting some new hobbies. If you ever wanted to try making YouTube videos or were leaning towards something more extreme like bungee jumping, now's the time to try it out. It will keep your mind occupied and you will have something to look forward to as well.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem
Loss of self-esteem is one of the most common things to happen after a breakup. Whereas some deal with the situation in a much better way, others end up feeling unattractive and even unlovable. If you're in the latter category, then you need to understand that what your negative thoughts are telling you is not the truth. You matter and deserve someone who loves and respects you.
You need to start working on rebuilding your self-esteem, and that can be done through starting new projects, whether related to a hobby or your job. In addition, you can start going to the gym, or social events that your partner would not want you to attend. Stick to these and show yourself that you are capable of doing amazing things. By doing so, you will convince yourself that you are amazing, and you won't need a love interest to feel confident.
Don't Check Up on Your Ex
You're probably familiar with those moments when you are sitting on the couch, looking at your phone and, upon seeing your ex's number, you have an urge to call them. You just want to cry and tell them how much love your heart holds for them, and hope that they will magically change their mind and take you back.
It's absolutely normal, but sadly, that's not how it works. If your ex broke up with you, they wanted some space – which you wouldn't be giving them if you called them every 5 seconds. It's hard to break contact with someone you talked to several times during the day, but in the end, it's necessary. Not only are you stressing out your ex, but you're also hurting yourself. It's best to prevent more pain.
Also, it is normal to want to stalk your ex on social media. However, social media can be a wolf in sheep's clothing. Although it lets you keep tabs on your ex, it's also easier to hurt yourself by seeing something you shouldn't see, or by taking things out of context.
Make sure to not be obsessed with checking your ex's Instagram or Facebook, or else you risk making the heartbreak worse and slowing down the recovery process.
Write Down Your Emotional Progress
When it comes to ways to get over a breakup, one of the steps that get overlooked is keeping track of your progress. As you start getting over the heartbreak, sometimes you tend to forget that you're even trying to heal.
Nevertheless, you should be more aware of how important it is to write down your emotional progress. If you've made significant improvements, it will show you that you are able to move on and that life can get better, which may motivate you to work harder and put you in a better mood. Seeing your progress will make you proud of how far you've come.
Don't Date Someone Else Right Away
You may feel urged to date a new person once your partner leaves the relationship, especially if the breakup was a messy one. However, doing this could end up more badly than you think.
If you're freshly broken up, then your wounds haven't completely healed. Therefore, if there's unsolved trauma from your last relationship, you risk taking it off on your new partner. For instance, if you had a partner who cheated and you don't take time to heal from that, you may doubt your new lover and become paranoid even when they say "Hi" to their co-worker of the opposite sex. Unhealed trauma could ruin the new relationship too.
Besides, all you'd do is play around with someone's feelings to help you move on, which is not a nice thing on your behalf. It's normal to long for love and affection while in your vulnerable state, but get it from your friends and family rather than a new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Seek a Counselor
If you've tried everything and you still cannot get over a breakup, then maybe it's time to seek a counselor. An expert could give you proper advice on what to do in order to heal, and will help you go through all the stages. Not to mention that getting unbiased advice from someone could be more helpful than you think.
Final Thoughts
You came here wondering how to get over a breakup, and as you can see, working hard towards healing can give you amazing results. The world doesn't end with your relationship – you still have a lot of things to look forward to in your life.